Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
