Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
