Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
