you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize