will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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