i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
