Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm getting married
To pizza
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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