just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Randomize
