Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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