I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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