Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
