Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
