i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
