it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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