Where did you get a picture of my penis
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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