I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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