Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
