I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
