i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
