Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
