so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
