I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
