Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
