sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
