i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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