I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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