I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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