I think my fart just growled at me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
