So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
