btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
