so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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