my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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