so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
