Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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