That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
