big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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