i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
