I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
