I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
