apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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