dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
