Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
