Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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