I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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