Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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