Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
