took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
