my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
