The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize