She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
