i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
