the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
