I feel like I'm in dance class right now
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
