just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
