Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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