Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
