i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
