I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
