Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
