So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
