matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
