Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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