are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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