last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
