i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize