take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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