Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
