So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
