I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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