I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
