This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
