my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
