Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
