did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
