saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
