I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
