Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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