I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the day after is always just damage control
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
