I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
