it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
