If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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