I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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