I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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