His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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