He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize