I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
