"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Everclear isn't food dammit
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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