hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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