.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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