we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
