The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
