who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
