Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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