Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize