Jerry, you need to find god
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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