There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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