I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize