it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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