if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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