david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
