Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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