Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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