Can i not drive my cunt home
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Someone shit on the floor
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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