I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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