I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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