He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We got so high we made milksteak
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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