Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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