You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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