I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
