my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
