i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
