8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
