sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
