dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My dick has a subreddit
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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