I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
