Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
