so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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