so that wasnt chicken after all
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
