I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is wine microwaveable?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
