Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
