Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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