ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
