Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
