im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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