You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
