i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
