two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
